The Importance of a Safe Place (Sanctuary)

For individuals on the autism spectrum, life can feel more intense because of increased sensory sensitivity to inputs like: loud noises, bright lights or colors, strong smells, peculiar air flow, rough surfaces, abnormal temperature, people talking, traffic, etc. Human interactions are especially intense because there is so much information to process so quickly – and they can be hard to understand.

It is common for us to get stuck on a source of sensory stimulation or a social, tangential thread (because of internal rumination), but life keeps moving. Our brain gets overwhelmed and crashes because of too much information too quickly, or because the sense or thought upon which we are fixated is so personally captivating, disturbing, or intense, it cannot be ignored. These mental crashes result in meltdowns – overwhelming emotional outbursts, dissociative episodes, and panic attacks.

To prevent and recover from meltdowns, it is very, very important for autistic individuals to have a personal safe place for refuge and sensory stimulation regulation. I think having this resource is a critically important cornerstone to establishing mental well-being. It is one of the most fundamental necessities for autistic people.

Sensory Comfort

The safe place should give the individual the means to control sensory stimulation. This way they can manage their input levels to prevent being overwhelmed or distracted. Of course this is nice for all humans, but more so for those on the spectrum because of the intensities they experience. Here are some pointers:

Also, allow for stimming in their safe place. Things like rocking chairs, fidget spinners, stress balls, and thinking putty can add to comfort and focus and help alleviate excess energy and stress.

Familiarity

One important aspect of the safe place is familiarity. You want a place in a familiar, friendly location, filled with furniture, objects, and sounds that are recognizable and comforting. This way, the person can feel safe and can recover and recharge for more life experiences without being distracted by new or changing environmental information. Some examples of comforting, familiar objects are: blankets, books, electronics, figures, furniture, games, pictures, posters, and toys.

Give as much control as you can to the person needing this sanctuary so they can make everything just the way they want and things won’t change. Help them organize it as they want if needed. It is the one place where this person can feel at ease when the outside world is out of their control. Let them create the familiarity of the setting.

Solitude

Processing information from other people is very distracting and burdensome when it is uninvited. It can be nearly impossible to ignore for autistic individuals – greatly reducing their ability to work, study, play, or relax.

Make sure the safe place is a personal, solitary space for them – unless having a room to themselves is not a logistic option. This will give them the most opportunity to feel safe and focus clearly. The privacy allows them to achieve their goals without external interruption and makes them feel like they can be themselves without embarrassment or judgement from others.

Note: that while allowing this solitude is a great benefit for the person most of the time, they might have a tendency to hide away too often or for too long. It is probably a good idea to arrange some rules to ensure they socially engage periodically. Personally I have found I get polarized cognitive distortions and social deficiency if I don’t verbally speak with someone once every two days for at least 30 minutes (on average). I resist it, but decades of life has taught me it is more painful to completely disengage.

Deescalation Location

When an autistic person has a meltdown, they need a place they can go to be out of the spotlight to begin to recover. It can be dangerous, disorienting, and embarrassing when these episodes occur and we need to be able to quickly and safely move to sanctuary.

The location needs to be some place private. This way the individual can be emotional, act out, talk with themselves, yell, think – whatever – without having much impact on other people. It is also much easier to deescalate alone or with one other person than having a group of people watching. If the space can have a door, that is great for added privacy.

It is good to have walking room, a place to sit, and even a place to lie down. I like to pace to relieve some of the emotional energy – not much space is required – just a little room to circle. Being able to sit, then lie down, then stand and walk allows for fidgeting and toggling perspectives. Basically, just make sure it is comfortable with some walking space and good furniture.

The best way to calm down in this space:

  • Tell yourself “Right now I am having an episode and need time to think”
  • Take deep, slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth for a few minutes
  • While still breathing, tap your fingers or hand on your knees for a few minutes to remember you have a body
  • Once your heart rate slows down, remember that past episodes have passed, and this will too
  • Stare at something that brings you peace and comfort, like a picture, or stuffed animal, or a pet
  • Continue with the controlled breathing and try to let go of any fixations – empty your mind as best you can
  • Once you are fully calm, you can choose to move on or try to resolve the problem bothering you by patient analysis
  • Journaling can assist you with analysis and processing your emotions as well

Recharge and Prepare

One thing that is important for people on the spectrum is being able to prepare for social experiences. We might prepare for hours or days to endeavor of some social enterprise that seems mundane to neurotypical folks. It is one of the ways we try to mitigate any expression of our disability. Having a personal safe place allows for time to prepare for those encounters. We can research with books, a computer, or a phone the best strategies for success. It is hard to do this in a public setting.

It also gives us a place to journal, meditate, and reflect. We get a place to relax and recharge before the next social situation short-circuits our psyche. Mostly it gives us the privacy and peace to contemplate, without distraction how to evolve to try and belong in this world with the alternative autism mindset.